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November 2002

November 1, 2002
November 6, 2002
November 15, 2002
November 17, 2002

October 2002

October 1, 2002
October 2, 2002
October 3, 2002
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October 5, 2002
October 6, 2002
October 7, 2002
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October 11, 2002
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October 15, 2002
October 16, 2002
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October 18, 2002
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October 24, 2002
October 25, 2002
October 26, 2002
October 27, 2002
October 28, 2002
October 29, 2002
October 30, 2002
October 31, 2002

September 2002

September 1, 2002
September 3, 2002
September 4, 2002
September 5, 2002
September 8, 2002
September 11, 2002
September 13, 2002
September 15, 2002
September 24, 2002

August 2002

August 2, 2002
August 8, 2002
August 10, 2002
August 11, 2002
August 15, 2002
August 16, 2002
August 17, 2002
August 18, 2002
August 19, 2002
August 20, 2002
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August 23, 2002
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August 30, 2002
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July 2002

July 4, 2002
July 5, 2002
July 7, 2002
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July 11, 2002
July 21, 2002
July 27, 2002
July 29, 2002
July 30, 2002

June 2002

June 10, 2002
June 11, 2002
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June 15, 2002
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June 24, 2002
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May 2002

May 3, 2002
May 5, 2002
May 11, 2002
May 12, 2002
May 15, 2002
May 18, 2002
May 24, 2002
May 28, 2002
May 30, 2002

April 2002

April 1, 2002
April 9, 2002
April 11, 2002
April 17, 2002
April 28, 2002
April 30, 2002

March 2002

March 4, 2002
March 5, 2002
March 7, 2002
March 8, 2002
March 10, 2002
March 11, 2002
March 14, 2002
March 15, 2002
March 17, 2002
March 21, 2002
March 23, 2002
March 24, 2002
March 25, 2002
March 26, 2002
March 27, 2002
March 28, 2002
March 29, 2002
March 30, 2002
March 31, 2002

February 2002

February 1, 2002
February 2, 2002
February 3, 2002
February 4, 2002
February 5, 2002
February 6, 2002
February 8, 2002
February 10, 2002
February 11, 2002
February 12, 2002
February 13, 2002
February 15, 2002
February 16, 2002
February 19, 2002
February 20, 2002
February 21, 2002
February 23, 2002
February 25, 2002
February 26, 2002
February 28, 2002

January 2002

January 8, 2002
January 9, 2002
January 11, 2002
January 13, 2002
January 14, 2002
January 20, 2002
January 22, 2002
January 24, 2002
January 29, 2002

December 2001

December 16, 2001
December 18, 2001
December 21, 2001
December 27, 2001
December 31, 2001

November 2001

November 7, 2001
November 20, 2001
November 22, 2001
November 26, 2001

October 2001

October 7, 2001
October 27, 2001
October 28, 2001
October 29, 2001

September 2001

September 3, 2001
September 15, 2001
September 26, 2001

August 2001

August 7, 2001
August 17, 2001
August 24, 2001
August 25, 2001
August 29, 2001
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December 7, 2002

Ooooooooooohhhh. I feel so awful.

Walking around for more than a couple of minutes makes me feel nauseous. My throat hurts, and gargling with salt water just substitutes one bad sensation for another. I'm tired and I get periodic body aches. I'm hot and cold.

I just want to go home!
11:36 PM |

I am sick. Sob!

I went to the infirmary this morning, and they confirmed what my 101-degree temperature had clued me into -- that I am, yet again, at the mercy of disease. It's come at a horrible time, as I have a paper due Monday, and I didn't go to work at the poli sci office all last week. Plus I have finals Friday. And on top of all that, it's just been a terrible week in general, save last night's trip to the planetarium, and even that ended with me nearly freezing to death.

Oh, and my internet disappeared last night. It came back eleven hours later, but I still don't think it's a good sign.

My eyes hurt, and I still feel rather weak and trembly from my activity of this morning.

Why me?
2:33 PM |

December 6, 2002

I. am. so. cold.

Tonight PARC went to visit Adler Planetarium, a trip I organized for the dorm. It was great fun, as basically we had the run of the place with our admission, all shows and such for free. However, it is incredibly cold outside right now, and for the past day or two I've been starting to feel sick. It's not a nice combination. At the moment, the cold has still not evaporated from my body. Thus I think my brain is frozen and I can't think of anything more to say.
10:35 PM |

I have internet again!!!
3:25 PM |

I keep thinking this whole paper thing ought to be over with, and thus I don't think I actually need to write anything tonight. I cannot express though how happy I will be when it is all over. I have never looked forward to going back home so much.

Wish me luck. Send me some happy vibes so I will feel less glum.
12:24 AM |

December 5, 2002

Well, I have three papers down, and only one more left this week (I'm choosing to block the memory of the one I have due on Monday at 9 a.m.). This is only a five-page one, so it shouldn't take so long, I hope. But I am incredibly exhausted from pushing myself so much the past few days. I never want to have to go through this again.

The ethernet is still not up and running, either. I haven't heard from the person who was supposed to call about it yet. Figures.
6:54 PM |

In the midst of paper three, and although it's progressing all right (I switched the topic to Zionism, a whole lot easier than existentialism, which I never really understood anyway), tonight has really been awful. To sum it up, my ethernet no longer works. The jack in my room this year has always been picky, and tonight of all nights it decided it hated me. I had to call the rescon, and while she promised to get someone to fix it, she cautioned that since it's near the end of the quarter, it could take a while. Thus, I'm sitting in the basement computer lab typing this, having dragged my computer around the building looking for a viable ethernet port. What really sucks is that since the battery doesn't work, I have to shut it down and restart it every time I move it. That wastes much more time than I would generally waste if I could surf around the internet as I wrote. It's so frustrating, especially considering how dependent I am on my technology. I just look forward to next quarter, when I'll have both a working jack and a working computer. Then my life will be good.
5:50 AM |

December 4, 2002

I have finished paper two!!!

It took me about three and a half hours, but it's done. My strategy this time was to reward myself with reading one article online for every paragraph I wrote. This cut down on my procrastination time a bit, I think, and I managed to churn out several long paragraphs.

Now, it's off to get some food, and then back to the dorm to write the next paper. This one's going to take about six hours if I go at the same pace, so I'd prefer to be closer to my bed when I'm ready to collapse.
8:49 PM |

I heard today on TV that a few key Democrats have released a statement calling for the party to rally around the center and return to the strength of the Clinton era. Apparently the Dems have moved too far to the left in the past couple of years ... do you get it? I don't. But I of course found solace in America's Finest News Source.
7:40 PM |

I just read a very sweet weblog entry that, while in some ways a little corny, seems very much like what I want love to be. Not heavy and dramatic, but light, sweet and so good it's silly.

I just said good bye to Scott, who's now off to Amsterdam, Luxembourg, France and Egypt for winter break. (I am very jealous of the Egypt, by the way.) I barely managed to get up and get dressed in time to see him off, but I did, and currently he's en route to O'Hare in a friend's car.

At the moment, I don't feel up to doing work on my two papers due tomorrow. Instead, I'm going to drop off my first paper, then get some lunch at Norris, and finally go to the library and see if that environment is more conducive to paper-writing.
2:16 PM |

People should leave me comments because a) I think that's a nifty function and b) I want to know who looks at my site. And who doesn't. Wink, wink. I will soon produce a long and extremely controversial entry to encourage commenting.

When I finish all the paper-writing and other work, not only will the site finally go back to the original design, but it will also feature more links in the entries. I figure this will add more interest to the site. And cause me to lavish more time on it.

I have several projects for when I get home, and I ought to start recording them. First, there's Christmas shopping. Second, I want to make a new web site. Not a personal one, but a hobby-based one. It should be much fun.

Okay, I know what you're saying -- why am I not in bed, for crying out loud? So it's off to dreamland for me. Good night.
4:41 AM |

2638 words: Done with everything. That it took me an entire day to write this nine-page paper does not bode well for tomorrow, when I must write a ten-page one and a five-page one.
4:21 AM |

2622 words: I'm done with the writing. Thank God.
3:13 AM |

2,525 words: I can't believe it, either.
3:06 AM |

1859 words: Lincoln is president (celebrate, Emily!). Or was it Buchanan? Let's hope it was Lincoln because all Buchanans suck.
2:05 AM |

1492 words: I've either just discovered America or reached the point where I would have been done on the last paper. You decide.
1:21 AM |

December 3, 2002

881 words: How is it that I only have 881 words?! (incoherent muttered curses)
11:54 PM |

A conversation with Britt on writing papers:

Britt: i may never get to work on this paper...
Colleen: i may never finish this one
Britt: well, at least you've started
Colleen: started, yes. but that's not really the important part
Britt: well, it's an important and necessary step
Colleen: well, i suppose i could hand the paper in now, but it would be a little short.
Britt: but you'd still get a grade on it... even if it's only a 50 or something, that's far better than never starting and getting a 0
Colleen: i suppose
Colleen: but not much. it's still an F
Britt: but it's halfway to an A+
Colleen: that's twisted logic
Britt: so? i'm twisted.
Colleen: it's also 75% of the way to a C, but you don't see me jumping up and down
Britt: i'm just pointing out that someone who has started but not finished is far better off than someone who has not started.
Colleen: so start. write "makiko's diary" on the page
Britt: ok
Colleen: so have you written "makiko's diary" on the page?
Britt: yes
Colleen: hey, you're halfway there now. you've started
Britt: hehe
Colleen: 50%, here you come!
Colleen: ah, mediocrity

633 words. If this were the last paper, I'd really be halfway there. As it is, I intend to fill the first, oh, three or four pages with stupid background information, so it is sort of like I will then be writing the last paper over again. Note the "then."
11:19 PM |

I have 355 words so far (not including my outline), a little less than 10% of my paper completed. I'm trying to remind myself that last time it didn't take very long to write this paper, but that's really little comfort to me now.
9:59 PM |

The paper has started, though it goes slowly. It's looking less and less likely that I'll get the second one done tonight. Ugh. I have one more paper than I am capable of producing.

My hope is that once I finish gathering my evidence for this paper the actual writing will go fairly quickly, leaving me time to get at least a good start on the second paper. Otherwise, I'm done for.
5:42 PM |

All right, I should be working. I should draft my papers and then determine if I must go to the library for additional information. But I'm still having trouble motivating myself to think. Maybe I need to actually write the papers at the library. It's generally easier to feel scholarly there. But of course then we run into the problem of having to go outside again ...
2:12 PM |

I feel pretty much like a failure when it comes to getting my papers done. Sure, I did make it to the library tonight, and I have done some research (which, if you think about it, is already more than I do for most papers, at least prior to the night before), but I didn't outline either of the ones I need to finish for Wednesday, nor did I even write a little of either. I basically gave up on thinking for the night the moment I stepped out of the library.

Today, it seems, is going to be an awful day.
4:28 AM |

December 2, 2002

I am going to go to the library. I am. I swear it. I'm going to put on my boots and coat and hat and gloves and I'm going to walk to the library. I'm not going to sit here and procrastinate. At least not forever. Well, maybe that's unlikely. I probably will sit here forever, and I'll probably keep on writing and writing these silly entries (goodness, I've posted a lot today) and just not moving. I'm never going to finish my papers. And what's awful about it all is that it's really getting to crunch time. I need to produce two big papers very, very soon. It's not a great situation. Maybe I'll post a running word count again. After I get back from the library, that is. Right, I'm going. Going. Now. Yeah.
7:51 PM |

Ow. I burned my tongue on my chai latte. Ow.
4:06 PM |

Realizing that many people may never see the completed entries if I don't keep at least two days' worth posted on the home page, I have made the appropriate adjustment. Don't expect the tweaks to stop here. Nor the commentary.
2:55 PM |

Okay people, just to let you know the setup now: the day's posting will show up on the default page, but the rest of the week's postings are relegated to that week's archive page. In other words, it's just like it was before.
2:47 PM |

This is a very buggy bit of software, and if it doesn't start posting consistently for me there's gonna be a reckonin'.
2:24 PM |

I've had a horrible nightmare. First, I dreamed that my dad (only it didn't really seem to be my dad) sawed our van in half, not vertically but horizontally. Basically, he turned it into a convertible without the whole "converting" part. But what was truly frightening about it was the enormous, heavy blades he was using to do this. Enormous, heavy blades that were for a few, unwarned moments held about my and my brother Zach's heads.

Of course, on top of this, we were greatly concerned about my dad's apparent insanity -- he'd just taken the top of our only car that could carry the whole family, and we don't exactly live in Florida. I think my intense worries about having to ride in that thing in the cold and snow were ironically justified when I awoke this morning to a great deal of snow having been dumped on the ground.

The second nightmare concerned death in a more obvious sense. I was attending rituals in a tomb for a dead, newly mummified pharaoh (although it didn't appear to really be in ancient Egypt), and as the priest or whoever was in charge was droning on and on with incantations, the dead man suddenly awoke, opening his eyes and starting to sit up. The person next to the corpse pushed it back down as if forcing a child to sleep and the priest droned on, but I was horrified. The mummy stayed awake (for some reason I could see his eyes open through the bandages), and when I asked how it could possibly live through the process of mummification it told me that it wasn't really the soul that should be inhabiting that body, but a passing spirit taking up temporary residence. It seemed to have a lot of trouble breathing (perhaps due to a lack of lungs), and I asked it why. It then countered by asking, "What do you think the air is made of?" It suddenly dawned on me that the air must be full of supernatural essences, spirits looking for a body to inhabit, like this mummy. This realization seemed to make me feel vulnerable to such an invasion myself, and I began to breath in gasps like the mummy did. It tried to provide me with some metaphysical calm, but had I not awakened when I did, I probably would have started to hyperventilate.
1:56 PM |

I am so lazy. I must complete four major papers this week -- the two biggest ones by Wednesday -- and what have I done since last Wednesday, when my vacation started? Sat around and amused myself. True, I read a bit of my book for a paper due Thursday, but that's really it. I have done no other research.

The main problem is that I have to go to the library to do this other research. Going to the library means going outside, and it is cold outside. On top of that, I'd like to have my computer along to take notes on if I went to the library, and my stupid laptop has a problem with it's power system, meaning that it won't run off of a battery. Thus it must be shut down and restarted every time it is moved. Seriously irritating.

Well, all I know at this point is that if I don't get myself into gear soon I'm not going to finish any of my work. And considering what a great percentage of my grade these papers count for, that's definitely not a good thing.
2:41 AM |

December 1, 2002

I'm sitting around in Scott's room right now, waiting for my breadsticks to be delivered and watching Nick and Scott consume foreign beers. (Beer smells bad, by the way.) I much look forward to getting the breadsticks as I haven't had them in quite a long time now. Not since the beginning of the school year when the dining halls were closed. Breadsticks. Yum.

For those reading this tonight and likely until I leave for winter break, this site is going to look pretty ... umm ... bright. Eventually I will switch back to the purple format, but for now I don't really feel like I have the time (or energy). I have to complete five or six papers in the next couple of weeks (depending on what you count as a "paper"), and I also have two finals. Ugh.

Back to more pleasant topics. We made Mexican food this weekend. Mexican food is great because it is a) cheap and b) delicious!!! Yum! We had rice and refried beans and burritos. Very good.

Well, the breadsticks are here. Catch you later.
11:22 PM |

I just added a commenting feature. Again, I'm not sure if it'll work right immediately, but it's cool anyway.
10:30 PM |

Okay, I'm just setting this up, so it's going to look a little weird for a while. But I figured since I've been so lax in updating lately that I ought to expedite the process in hopes of encouraging myself to update more often.

Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to be working all that well.
5:46 PM |

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© 2002 Colleen Fischer | Last updated December 23, 2002