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The Players



The Hierarchy of Evil
The Hierarchy of Dirtiness
The Hierarchy of Bitchiness
The Hierarchy of Ridiculosity

Nightly Conclusions

March 12, 2002
March 13, 2002
March 14, 2002
March 15, 2002
March 16, 2002
March 17, 2002
March 18, 2002
March 19, 2002
March 20, 2002
March 21, 2002
March 22, 2002
March 23, 2002
March 24, 2002
March 25, 2002
March 26, 2002
March 27, 2002
March 28, 2002
March 29, 2002
March 30, 2002

Learn the Lingo

Amish ho
Am not/Are too
And yeah
Crazyfun times
Death stare
Doooooo it
Eloise the Hungry Hippo
Funny vegetables
Icky, Daddy, icky
I'll give you a dollar
I win
Jen with no pants
Knitting sticks
Lay-down loner
Looks like he's wearing a shirt ...
Prancing with Chex Mix
SAGA rat
Shannon dance
Simple user
Take it up a notch
Yay for <insert word here>
You fail

Crazyfun Times

The Birth and Death of Eloise the Hungry Hippo
Getting Happy
Making Mischief
Comtemplating the Future ... And the Garbage
The Outdoorsy Spirit
The Incredible Collapsing Girl

In Their Own Words

Greetings From Gaithersburg
Hello From Isanti
Ahoy From Ohio
I'm In DC!
Hello From NY
Sangria Means Bloody

Signs the Apocalypse Is Near

Omen 1
Omen 2
Omen 3

Ahoy From Ohio

June 23, 2002

If any of you are wondering how in God's name I managed to finagle some time on the internet it is because I am visiting relatives (not the Amish ones, I think the irony of that would have killed me). Unfortunately, my mother's innate fear and loathing of the twenty-first century is working against me.

Many of you will be surprised and gratified to know that earlier today I received my very first speeding ticket. I was only doing 84 in a 65 (I had only just got on the highway so that wasn't enough time to reach the 100 mph that I am more than capable of. ;-) So I was flagged down by some patrolmen and as I pulled over I tuned my radio to a Christian station (in order to increase pity and appeal to his Christian feelings of brotherly love) and attempted to shed as many tears as possible which didn't prove hard. I don't think the cop really understood what I was saying because I was hyperventilating a great deal but he did understand when I said my mom was going to kill me. In an attempt to reassure me he said that she wouldn't because it was against the law. Noting the irony, I turned to him and said, "Speeding it against the law as well and you see how well that stopped me." Fortunately, he thought that was funny. I continued sobbing as he walked back to his patrol car and wrote out my ticket. When he returned he told me that it would cost $100, to my jobless self this proved to be a death knell, and he gave me instructions on mailing the ticket and money in. I then asked him for his name and when he asked me why I said, "Well, when my mother beats me with a stick I would like to call and tell you." Luckily, he found this amusing as well. What was not nearly so fortunate was when I told my mother and she didn't laugh at all and merely told me to go beg for my job back at Johnson's which I am loathe to do. Ah well, hopefully something will turn up though I am losing faith.

On another note entirely, I am currently the proud owner of a whip. On the eve of my most triumphant return to suburban Ohio my friends Tiffaney, Rachael and I went out to dinner and then on a dare went to the Lion's Den (a porn shop). To prove that we were there we decided to buy something and since the bondage room was the only place where we could actually avoid the creepiest people there we decided on a whip. I was then dared to actually make the purchase and despite a horrible case of the giggles, I managed to give the creepy guy at the counter my $25 and be on my way. But I'm looking for suggestions from you as to what to do with it. I'm considering either giving it to Bailey or to Justin.

Copyright © 2002 Colleen Fischer | Last updated October 7, 2002