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The Players



The Hierarchy of Evil
The Hierarchy of Dirtiness
The Hierarchy of Bitchiness
The Hierarchy of Ridiculosity

Nightly Conclusions

March 12, 2002
March 13, 2002
March 14, 2002
March 15, 2002
March 16, 2002
March 17, 2002
March 18, 2002
March 19, 2002
March 20, 2002
March 21, 2002
March 22, 2002
March 23, 2002
March 24, 2002
March 25, 2002
March 26, 2002
March 27, 2002
March 28, 2002
March 29, 2002
March 30, 2002

Learn the Lingo

Amish ho
Am not/Are too
And yeah
Crazyfun times
Death stare
Doooooo it
Eloise the Hungry Hippo
Funny vegetables
Icky, Daddy, icky
I'll give you a dollar
I win
Jen with no pants
Knitting sticks
Lay-down loner
Looks like he's wearing a shirt ...
Prancing with Chex Mix
SAGA rat
Shannon dance
Simple user
Take it up a notch
Yay for <insert word here>
You fail

Crazyfun Times

The Birth and Death of Eloise the Hungry Hippo
Getting Happy
Making Mischief
Comtemplating the Future ... And the Garbage
The Outdoorsy Spirit
The Incredible Collapsing Girl

In Their Own Words

Greetings From Gaithersburg
Hello From Isanti
Ahoy From Ohio
I'm In DC!
Hello From NY
Sangria Means Bloody

Signs the Apocalypse Is Near

Omen 1
Omen 2
Omen 3


July 13, 2002

Who can decode that?

Actually, Britt probably can, but I don't expect anyone else to.

In this e-mail:
1. Senators
2. Projects
3. CoS
4. Riiiiiiiing
5. I'm getting cancer
6. Josh Hotness
7. I could get you fired, bitch
8. Tamica's jealous
9. I'm a workaholic
10. Answers

1. Senators

Life in DC is moving right along. Work has been incredibly busy but a lot of fun. It's incredible to walk down the hall and say hello to Jon Corzine. Well, that's really not incredibly. But the fact that it's a regular occurrence is. Despite being a lowly intern, I've number a number of fun things at the Capitol other than casually saying hello to or spotting and pointing out Sens. Baucus, Boxer, Bunning, Campbell, Carper, Cleland, Corzine, Craig, Daschle, Dayton, Ensign, Feinstein, Johnson, Kerry, Landrieu, Lincoln, McConnell (dirty bastard), Miller, Nelson of Florida, Reed, Santorum (another dirty bastard), Shelby, Stabenow, Thomas, and Wyden (sad that I can identify that I've seen all of them).

2. Projects

In the office, I've been working on several projects for Stephanie, the human services LA. I put together a nomination proposal for BLD to nominate a woman from ND for an Angel in Adoption award, which required me to make a few hundred phone calls to ND, write a memo to BLD, and write my first of many constituent letters. I also did some small projects for Ladeene, the energy/environment LA. Among them was holding a 15-foot banner at a water and power subcommittee hearing for BLD. I got to be one of those people you see on C-SPAN sitting behind the senators at the hearing rather than in the audience. It was a nice change.

3. COs

A couple weeks ago the chief of staff had lunch with all the interns. He was actually an intern for BLD 12 years ago and worked his way up to LD (legislative director) where he drafted Jeanna's law (if you're from ND, you'll probably know what that is, otherwise not).

4. Riiiiiiing

A week or so ago, I took this call from a guy, a WWII vet from Florida. Because BLD is chair of the appropriations subcommittee that covers the postal service, this man felt the need to rant to me for 30 minutes to tell BLD to put the postal box back on his street corner. He has bills to pay! He has to mail his VA life insurance policy and how can he do that when the box at the corner is gone and he has to go miles away to find another one?? This call is typical, especially when BLD speaks on the floor. The phones ring off the hook. You wouldn't believe how many people watch C-SPAN and then call in to comment to the senator's staff about the speech. It's crazy, I tell you. Crazy!

5. I'm getting cancer

In other craziness, our mail is irradiated. Advice: don't send CDs, audio tapes, or video tapes to Members of Congress. It will not survive and staff will proceed to laugh at you.

6. Josh Hotness

Outside the office, but still on the hill, Josh Harnett was around a couple weeks ago to meet with senators about something, no one remembers what. BLD sent us over to the Capitol to see him, but he had left by the time we got there, so most of us didn't see him. It was quite sad.

7. I could get you fired, bitch

So there's this chick that works at the cafeteria in the Hart who is like the bitchiest woman EVER. One morning I had to get coffee for BLD for a breakfast he was having with some health care reps. I went down to the Hart cafeteria but they weren't serving coffee yet. I asked the cashier chick when they start serving coffee and if the cafeteria in Dirksen had any yet. In her snobbish-I'm-too-good-for-you-fuckin-intern tone of voice. The next day, BLD asked me to get a bagel for him. So I go down to the cafeteria again, but they don't appear to have the peanut butter that BLD wants, so I ask the same cashier if they have peanut butter. She of course responds in the negative using the same tone as the previous day. My inner monologue responds with, "Yo, bitch, I don't take no shit, 'specially from you. I could get yo skanky ass fired in no time!" I stay far away from that chick now.

8. Tamica's jealous

I think I've made Tamica jealous with all the guys I've been meeting around here. Last weekend I had three dates, and I've met a few other guys, mostly interns, since I've been here. But really, I've rarely found anything that sparks my interest, so Tamica shouldn't be jealous.

9. I'm a workaholic

Sadly, that's about the extent of my social life outside of work. I think I've become a workaholic. On Friday I skipped lunch in order to get all my work done. I did actually get all my work done about half an hour before I had to close, but then the phones started ringing again and I was the only intern left, so I was busy until I left. This is what happens when the staff assistant leaves for a few days ... free time does not exist in my vocabulary.

10. Answers

BLD = Byron L. Dorgan
PDW = Paul David Wellstone
DPC = Democratic Policy Committee

Copyright © 2002 Colleen Fischer | Last updated October 7, 2002