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December 16, 2001

Okay, I apologize ... I haven't written in here for a very long time. I have actually received a complaint! So here you go, Emily, a new diary entry, just for you!

And you have a lovely new environment to enjoy this diary in! At least I hope it's lovely. I've certainly put in enough hours of work in coming up with a design I like ... at least for now. I think I did like the old design at one point ... maybe. Maybe not. It was convenient, anyway, version number five. But now we have moved on to the brave new world of version six, and there's no turning back!

Also changed is my site's address. It's now http://colleenfischer.tripod.com/. I figured it would be easier to remember this way ... no one besides me could seem to remember how to spell "sebekneferu." Also, for the computer nerds out there, Tripod lets me use includes on my site ... at least sometimes, it's been kind of buggy lately. I'm still figuring the new service out.

Now that I've finally finished moving the site into the new format (which is NOT as easy as it might sound ... I had to clean out a lot of legacy code), I will update the content of the site. It's been a while since I added any recent writing besides my Harry Potter paper. I feel I need to prove that my writing has grown beyond those old poems I have posted.

Okay, admittedly, this isn't really a very juicy entry. But I still have to upload this new site and test it out to make sure it works. Plus, I'm still decompressing from finals a little ... and all the other crap that's happened recently ... if you haven't heard (or participated in) that story already, I'm sure you will soon! Aaahhhh!!!

Gotta run now -- I have plans! Don't want to be late! Until next time!


December 18, 2001

Sorry, but I really don't like writing stuff in this program ... I feel like I should be programming, surrounded as my words are by all this HTML, not spilling my guts. I need a better environment for my journaling ... I thought about composing in Word and transferring to here, but I don't know, I associate that with writing essays and stories, not diary entries. Maybe I'm just being too picky ... probably I'm just being too picky. I can be like that. I'm always like that. Oh dear.

I just need to keep reminding myself that I'm getting Dreamweaver for Christmas. Yay!!! The days of hand coding will be behind me ... again!

And there are even more reasons to celebrate today! I got my grades today -- something that generally would be considered bad, at least now that I'm not at the top of the heap in the little high school anymore -- but they arrived bearing good news. In short: straight A's!! Oh yeah, definitely celebration time! And an A- in Korean! Wow!!!! If that were all, that alone would be cause for singing from the rooftops (even in my voice!) ... but I got solid A's in the rest of my courses, too! Aaahhhhh!!!!

You'll just have to excuse my incredibly selfish excitement for now ... I have spent the past couple weeks -- hey, the past quarter resigning myself to getting not-so-stellar grades. Exceeding my expectations so much ... avoiding the horror stories associated with the first term of freshman year ... I just feel so happy, I can't help but go on and on about it. So if you're feeling a little disgusted with me right now for all this bragging ... too bad!! Join the party!!! (No, really, I'm sorry!)

Okay, must move on now ... aahh!! ... I'm all right now, really. Really.

I'm going to make an about-face then from happy things to sad things ... and not just to fish for sympathy after that bout of self-celebration. I must share, that's what this diary's here for ... for better or for worse. That really sucks, sometimes. Oh well, most people reading this probably know about it already, so here goes.

My boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago ... it was a short fling, so there was no great attachment, but still, it hurts. More than anything, I feel the lack of companionship ... I miss having someone to give me hugs, so to speak. I feel lonely again. Not lonely for friends ... I have lots of friends, really good friends. I love my friends -- they helped me get through this. But still, what I feel the loss of is something different, the emptiness in a role they really can't fill. What frustrates me is that it wasn't really filled when I did have this guy around, either ... but still, even the impression helps ... and I miss even the impression now.

That probably made no sense at all to you ... oh well. I can't really explain it, I don't really understand it myself. As usual.


December 21, 2001

I feel awful. My throat is scratchy, my nose is runny, my ears hurt, and my head feels foggy. Not mention that I am very, very tired. I was running a low fever earlier ... I really ought to check that again.

Not only do I feel sick, I feel angry! Why must I come down with something only days before Christmas? As if last year's holiday wasn't miserable enough, this year is already trying me. I hope everything else turns out better than my holiday health.

Still bored, too. Since I finished the new site, I have had trouble finding ways to occupy my time. Sure, I suppose I could be uploading more writings and updating the Autobiography section. But it's a chore that doesn't really interest me after the huge task of converting every page here to a new format. This renovation wasn't like previous ones -- I rebuilt this site from the ground up. By hand. I wrote the code myself, and I created the graphics myself.

Sorry, but since I'm sick, you're just going to have to put up with my complaining! If you can effect a miraculous cure, then I will bring an abrupt halt to the moaning and groaning.

I'm bored and I don't know what I want to do. Nothing sounds appealing. I didn't realize when going to college that I would miss it so much while I was away. I never thought breaks would be so tortuous. Breaks were always something to be looked forward to in high school, but now they've become something to dread. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a long weekend or something on campus, but as it is, I miss my school friends and I miss having lots of stuff to do nearby. I hate having to drive everywhere.

I probably sound like a broken record ... but that's what my days here seem like.


December 27, 2001

Well, I finally got Dreamweaver, and I'm currently trying to figure the program out. I have one big problem with it: it has a ton of panels and windows, but I have a very small monitor that I can't seem to change the resolution on. Therefore, trying to view my site in a maximized window is just about impossible. That makes working on the site somewhat difficult right now ... but I'm working on the problem, and I hope to find a fix soon! Until then!


December 31, 2001

I don't think I'm really using this program to its full potential, but I realized yesterday that I had better start using it or I would let my intimidation get the better of me and I would never use it. So here we go!

I spent a good deal of yesterday evening trying to get my monitor resolution to change to something besides 800x600. It's weird, but whenever I try something smaller (like in the 1000s), the screen doesn't shrink to fit but rather expands off the edges of the monitor. It becomes the amazing scrolling desktop! Incredible!

It'll be 2002 tomorrow. One of these years, it's all going to come to an end on New Year's Day. I mean, why else would it be such a big deal? One of these days, the ball's just going to drop too far ....

The snow finally came home. After pummeling Buffalo over Christmas, the blizzard made its way down the coast. We are buried under a foot or two of lake-effect snow right now. So much for my plan to drive out to visit Kim in Ohio ... it would be hard enough for me to drive by myself in good weather. In these conditions, I might as well just crash into the mailbox and get it over with as soon as possible. I hate snow. Snow depresses me. It comes and it comes and it just doesn't go away. It keeps me trapped at home for days. It's cold and wet and more oppressive than a hot, humid summer day. Sure, snow looks pretty ... until it's been churned by hundreds of cars into the slush by the side of the road. You know, we didn't have a white Christmas this year for the first time in years ... and I didn't care. In fact, I liked it that way. It should be that way all the time ... it could only be better if it were warm, too.

I feel bored and lonely, and the snow has just compounded my dark mood. On top of all of this, I keep seeing references to Chicago ... I can't turn on the television now without seeing the el or something. It's driving me insane! I miss school -- a feeling I never really experienced before college.

Can you become slowly unhinged by boredom? I'm starting to have more prominently compulsive behaviors ... I get the urge to pace ... I feel restless.

I've been thinking lately I should write more, and not just in this diary or in essays. I've really neglected my poems and stories. I'm getting too nervous about showing off my stuff. I need an infusion of confidence.

 


Copyright © 2002 Colleen Fischer | Last updated October 7, 2002