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November 2002

November 1, 2002
November 6, 2002
November 15, 2002
November 17, 2002

October 2002

October 1, 2002
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September 2002

September 1, 2002
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August 2002

August 2, 2002
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July 2002

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June 2002

June 10, 2002
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May 2002

May 3, 2002
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April 2002

April 1, 2002
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March 2002

March 4, 2002
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February 2002

February 1, 2002
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February 13, 2002
February 15, 2002
February 16, 2002
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February 25, 2002
February 26, 2002
February 28, 2002

January 2002

January 8, 2002
January 9, 2002
January 11, 2002
January 13, 2002
January 14, 2002
January 20, 2002
January 22, 2002
January 24, 2002
January 29, 2002

December 2001

December 16, 2001
December 18, 2001
December 21, 2001
December 27, 2001
December 31, 2001

November 2001

November 7, 2001
November 20, 2001
November 22, 2001
November 26, 2001

October 2001

October 7, 2001
October 27, 2001
October 28, 2001
October 29, 2001

September 2001

September 3, 2001
September 15, 2001
September 26, 2001

August 2001

August 7, 2001
August 17, 2001
August 24, 2001
August 25, 2001
August 29, 2001

October 1, 2002

I am tired, and my back hurts. I'm not sure why I always think it's okay to stay up past 1 a.m. on school nights, especially when my classes start at 9:30 or 10, but I do it consistently, and I'm starting to reap the "rewards." Of course, every time I do stay up that late, I always feel I have a good reason, but really, if I cut out some of my procrastination time, those good reasons would not be infringing on sleep. But since it's unlikely I'll ever become a diligent worker, I think the best alternative has to be fitting naps into my schedule somewhere. This wasn't so hard last year when I wasn't working, but now that I have a job the earliest I'd be able to manage to sleep is right after dinner, and that's when I ought to be reading.

Maybe the solution is to sit in a nice, comfy chair in the back of my classrooms and snooze my way through class. Seems to be the only time I don't have something more important to do.

October 2, 2002

I put my contact lens in the wrong eye twice today. "Moron" doesn't describe it.
12:35 p.m.

Then I put the second one in on top of the first. Clearly I'm not on my game.
12:36 p.m.

I just spent two hours watching anthropology films, and it was among the most boring experiences of my life. I'm growing to hate the Forum Room in the library. Since I started class last Wednesday, I have watched about six and a half hours of films for classes. This is, I think, more than I watched throughout the entirety of last year. It might be endurable if the films were at least interesting, but most are stodgy documentaries. Even the one fictional film I saw was nothing more than a cheesy Western.

I'm already starting to reconsider my plan to add an anthropology major. Judging by the films at least, anthropology is an eminently stupid field. Anthropologists go into the field and study cultures (often primitive cultures) and expect to learn about them, but it seems clear (and generally, they admit this) that they cannot view the people except through their own cultural lens. Plus, on top of that, they are forced by the nature of the work to interact with the people. Their presence simply has to taint the results as the people must be reacting to the newcomers and their behavior therefore has to change. Then, I ask, what is the value of all the work? What have you really learned?

Now that's not to say I've turned my back on archaeology, the subdiscipline of anthropology that inspired my ambition to become an anthro major. However, I can't help but think that archaeology is in a way fundamentally different from the socio-cultural anthropology I'm now studying. You can't really influence a dead culture by studying it. True, everything is subject to your own interpretation. But the field of archaeology, to me, is more one of deduction than one of observation.

Relatedly, I learned in my Israel class yesterday that ancient history is indeed relevant to today. Palestinian historians are trying to prove that their people are the descendants of the Canaanites and thus have a claim preceeding the Jews to the land that is now Israel. I believe there was another example as well, but I can't recall it now. Now I have a proof though that studying ancient history is not a pointless academic practice.

But anyway, as I look again at the requirements for an anthropology major, I begin to wonder if I'll really be able to endure sitting through more classes like this one. Admittedly, I ought to give the class more than a week's chance, but I know what intro level classes are like, and I know that there are three more required on top of this one. I'm starting to wonder now if I could study archaeology at a different institution as a graduate student without having to graduate from here as an anthropology major. I'm not sure how necessary a background in the field is. If I could minor in anthropology, or even just use it as my social science Medill concentration in addition to a major or minor in the related field of history, I think I might be happier with the idea.

But I hope it just gets better.
9:37 p.m.

October 3, 2002

My cheese sandwich that I made for lunch was somewhat disappointing. It probably would have been better if I had grilled it. Alas, my skillet is still in the dirty dishes bag. Hmm, I should probably wash those before they stink up my room any further.
12:57 p.m.

I'm currently at work in the Political Science Department office. They're searching for new professors, and the sorting continues on my third day here. At least this time I'm not filing; instead, I'm typing cover sheets for each file. Of course, this isn't much fun either. Every day I'm promised I will soon be doing the stuff I was hired for -- writing articles and making web sites -- but that day has yet to come.
3:46 p.m.

For some reason, this site appears oh so very wrong in Internet Explorer on the Mac. This is oh so very odd as it only appears perfectly in Internet Explorer on Windows. Oh the frustration.
9:19 p.m.

October 4, 2002

I just woke up from my first real nap of the year. I slept for about an hour and a half, and it was wonderful considering I'd managed only about five and a half hours last night. It was one of those most excellent naps in which you don't just lie resting but actually achieve deeper states of sleep. I think the trick was the combined sleep deprivation and putting the blankets on top of my head. I generally don't like to do this as I always fear I will smother myself, but there are times when I must make exceptions. The last time was on the New Mexico trip when it was so cold I needed to conserve every last bit of body heat. This time, I was mostly motivated by the thought that doing so would block out the light, and subconsciously by the thought that if I cut off enough air I might finally knock myself out well enough for that wonderful nap.
5:02 p.m.

I'm sleepy again. It's not so much a mental thing now as a feeling in my upper arms, somewhere around my chin and the back of my head. I know, odd choices, but it's as if there's a weight placed on each spot, keeping me from moving quickly if at all.
7:17 p.m.

October 5, 2002

I downloaded a replacement for Notepad, the program that ceaselessly irritated me because it lacked the keyboard shortcuts for "Select All" and "Save." What kind of program doesn't employ Control- (or Command-) S? It must be a holdover from the time when Microsoft wasn't blatantly copying the Mac OS.

I want my Mac back!
4:07 a.m.

Yikes, I have slept far too late. I do not like this as every time I do so I feel guilty (even if no one mentions it), like I have wasted the whole day away. As it is, I probably won't manage to get all that much done at this point. As a penance I should probably confine myself to reading for much of the afternoon and evening. I was planning to do that anyway, but at least now I have a motivating factor.
3:03 p.m.

Oh, and in better news: I have my last grocery store paycheck coming! Hurray! And -- in the not too distant future I will have my first poli sci paycheck! I will no longer be in great debt!
3:08 p.m.

I just realized I shipped the books I bought at to my home address! And I need those books now! Ahhh!
4:10 p.m.

11:47 p.m.

October 6, 2002

N'est-ce pas -- it's like when French people add "no?" to the ends of their sentences.
4:03 a.m.

I need to restart my computer, but as I check how long I've been on AOL Instant Messenger, I realize that in a mere fifteen minutes I will have been online for two full days. Thus, I need to kill precisely fifteen minutes now before I can restart. I suppose I don't absolutely need to, but I do enjoy the idea.

Yesterday I made buffalo-style chicken for dinner. I was pretty impressed with myself for coming up with the idea of coating unbreaded chicken with buffalo sauce and grilling it (as not creative as the idea might seem). The George Foreman grill is a fascinating machine; it leaves grill stripes on the food but fortunately does not impart a smoky flavor. It's nonstick and electric, and if it didn't have the ridges I'd liken it to a skillet or a griddle. But what makes it interesting is that you stick the food on it and then put another griddle on top of it. Guessing when the meat is done is now a more complicated task. I'm always afraid I'll let it go too long and juicy chicken will turn to jerky. But it's still a fun gadget and any difficulty is just an excuse to "practice."

I really do seem to have quite a kitchen on my hands this year between gifts and school shopping. Besides the grill I have a pot, a skillet and a baking sheet, not to mention my spatula and rubber scraper. I even brought salt and pepper. Honestly, I really have no need for a great deal of my meal plan this year; I could likely subsist just on what I have in my room for several months.

One more minute.
3:12 p.m.

October 7, 2002

I spent an obscene amount of time on PARC site-related stuff tonight. At this rate it seems like I'll never get any homework done, but on the other hand, I feel less pressured now that I've gotten some of my other responsibilities out of the way. I feel like now I could focus on reading without worrying about all the other stuff I have to get done. Unfortunately, I still have a ton of stuff to get done.

I must admit, I just made a truly horrible pun: "Nice to see you're a guy not afraid to show his emoticons." I'll go hang my head in shame at my warped sense of humor now.
10:30 p.m.

October 8, 2002

I'm perplexed.
12:31 a.m.

Yesterday I felt sick during class. Today I was neraly unconscious. I will describe this more after I take a much needed nap.
12:22 p.m.

It happened after I twisted myself around to copy the quotations off the board in Modern Jewish Literature. It was just my luck that I was late for class on the day the professor assigned seats, and so I ended up as the only student sitting in the desks facing the wrong way. But something about the way I spun my spine just didn't seem to agree with my stomach, and I spent the rest of that class and the subsequent class feeling slightly nauseous.

It was probably the shifting temperatures and dehydration more than anything, but I attribute my condition squarely to lack of sleep. As I'd forgotten until I was lying in bed at 2:47 a.m. that I had to have a video report ready to turn in at 11 that morning, I'd not managed to get to sleep until almost 4, clearly not a good idea when one has to be in class at 10 a.m.

I resolved to get more sleep Monday night, telling myself from the outset that I would not stay up past 1 a.m. in order to be well rested for my 9:30 class. Alas, for me resolutions are only made to be broken. After finally getting back to my room for good around 6 p.m., I spent several hours working on PARC site stuff. (By the way, this also broke my resolution to do work all night.) Around 10 or so I finally started reading, but I was interrupted by various IM conversations and, after a while, by Katie, who needed a too-long article edited. While making several useful edits was a boost to my ego, this did end up pushing me beyond my 1 a.m. limit. Combine all of that with helping Britt print a flier and taking a shower, and I didn't get to bed until 2.

While I certainly slept more than on the previous night, the combination of two nights of little rest led to yawning throughout my first lecture. It only got worse as the morning progressed. Modern Japan is a boring class to begin with, and when the prof hands out the notes at the beginning of class, one has no motivating factor to keep one awake. Periodically, my head fell forward, my eyes closed and I started to become unconscious in a way reminiscent of the time I fainted at work. After a few seconds I'd realize what had happened, and I'd jerk my head back to shake it off. Especially in the last half hour this happened about once every, oh, minute. And the last time it happened, I woke up feeling dizzy.

I made a new resolution then. Be proud of me -- this time, I did manage to take a nap.

October 9, 2002

Not enough sleep again, and this time I couldn't fall asleep during my nap. Presently I have a class for which I have neither finished the book nor the movie.

What was THAT?
2:47 p.m.

October 10, 2002

For the record: in the United States, Democrats are blue and Republicans are red.
12:59 a.m.

If you read yesterday's entry, "THAT" was something kind of gross. You don't want to know what I think "THAT" was.

I went to bed early last night, but it was for naught -- I couldn't fall asleep. After tossing and turning in bed for an hour, I got up and trimmed my nails in hopes this would give me one less thing to distract me. I still couldn't sleep after that for a good while, however. I only know that I did eventually fall asleep because my alarm woke me up. Strangely enough I'm not feeling all that tired anymore. It's like my brain's stuck on "on." Makes it a bit more interesting in waiting for my collapse from exhaustion.
3:15 p.m.

October 11, 2002

So I'm told (finally) that I need to move away from sleep deprivation entries. I'm afraid, as I reponded to this person, that I haven't gotten enough sleep this week to be creative. But I'll nonetheless make an effort.

The only thing I've done less than sleep this past week is read. I'm such a slacker. I've accomplished next to nothing as far as schoolwork goes. I did manage to add a good chunk of stuff to the PARC site of course, and I have kept up with the Diary entries, but I really haven't done much of what really needs to get done. This weekend I need to make a list and just keep working until I can cross every item off.

I've just taken on too much stuff this quarter, I think. Adding both a job and a fifth class -- even if the class hasn't even added to my average quarterly class hour total -- seems to be more than I can handle successfully. At least with putting in the sort of effort I generally put into working. I really need to find a better routine.
1:16 a.m.

I need to take a shower, but I was just at the infirmary having blood drawn in order to prove I no longer have mono. Thus there's a big bandage with gauze underneath on the inside of my elbow that I'm supposed to leave on for an hour. I'm afraid this will fall off should I shower, and that that will lead to getting another ugly bruise like I got the last time I had blood drawn at the infirmary. That bruise lasted much longer than it should have and thus is something I'd like to avoid this time. But on the other hand, my hair feels weighted down with an aura of being unclean. Maybe no one else would be able to tell, but I know it's there. And until I shampoo my hair I will feel like a slimeball.

I noticed in class today that while making the adjustment to getting almost no sleep makes me react slowly and zone out more often, making me somewhat of a dunce in my three discussion classes today, it does tend to foster the flash of brilliance. At random moments in my day I have these incredible thoughts of what I'd like to do with my life, or of how history or culture might have be different than we perceive it now, or about projects that would be fun to do and also educational or insightful. However, although I am capable of thinking these things, I highly doubt that in my present state I would be capable of making a grilled cheese sandwich, let alone changing the world.
3:31 p.m.

I know the very moment I got this latest bout of sickness: when I sat down in Cahn Auditorium to hear Bill Bradley talk. Coincidence? I don't know, but that'll give you something to ponder during the rash of "I'm sick and miserable" entries sure to come.
11:09 p.m.

October 12, 2002

I'm getting a bit behind in posting these, it seems. Oh well, at least I know they exist.
2:29 p.m.

I'm feeling lazy today, so I'm thinking there will be no substantial entry here before tomorrow. Sorry. Read the ones from the past few days instead.
10:21 p.m.

October 13, 2002

Tracie asks that people raise hands and wait for recognition.

Matt H. says with so little turnout of the opposition (he says 5, I see 4 -- 5 later), they ought to "give up or get a lot of friends."

Exec: wanted to nip in bud, had seen NUTV, was during New Student Week, don't have to consult because they represent dorm

Opposition: TV is a "social experience," didn't consult with dorm, bad quality, some people can't get it on computers, suggest sending agendas for Exec Board meetings to listserv

Surprisingly quiet.

October 14, 2002

Yeah, I know it may be cheating to post anthropology project notes as a Diary entry, but I did want to have something available for yesterday. Besides, this was the main event of yesterday -- the big battle over the TV reservation system. Right now I'm just too utterly tired to get into that, so I'm going to let it pass.
5:55 p.m.

October 15, 2002

A Jewish girl approaches her parents and tells them she wants to get married. Her parents ask her who she has in mind, and she answers, "One of the yeshiva boys." So her father goes to meet this yeshiva boy to see if he was an appropriate match for his daughter. He asks the yeshiva boy, "How do you intend to set up house for my daughter?" The yeshiva boy answers, "I am a poor student, of course, but God will provide." The father asks, "How do you intend to provide food for her to eat?" The yeshiva boy answers, "Oh, God will provide, God will provide," and their conversation continues as such.

When the father returns home, his wife asks him what he thought of their potential son-in-law. The father answers, "He's great -- he already thinks I am God!"
1:20 p.m.

So I'm thinking I should work tonight. But then I'm thinking I don't want to work tonight. But I'm really thinking I ought to do some work tonight.
9:14 p.m.

October 16, 2002

So part of the joy of you getting to read my daily journal entries is that you get to hear about all the tiny, supremely unimportant details of my life that I must record in order to maintain a daily level of entry. Right now, I have something caught in my throat. I am performing all sorts of acrobatics with my larynx to get this piece of potato dislodged. I had French fries with my lunch today. I stopped at Norris after class to buy myself food with the intention of picking up a wrap sandwich from the cooler and a box of curly fries. I like the curly fries because they are seasoned and well, curly -- which is just cooler. I also ended up grabbing a bottle of orange juice, which I didn't really need because I was taking the food back to my room but which looked good to me at the moment. I regretted picking it up later when I found out at checkout that a bottle of juice costs a ridiculous $1.59, but alas, the deed was done by then.

Anyway, I took the food back, and the fries were stone cold after trudging through the freezing temperatures to the dorm. However, they still tasted good, unlike my chicken caesar wrap that was not good at all. That sandwich actually made me long for last year's lunches at the dining hall. At least the dining hall could manage to produce a decent wrap almost every day. I have resolved never to buy a chicken caesar wrap at Norris again. I couldn't even finish the one I bought in the erroneous assumption that it would be good.

Now I had decided to get that wrap because a) the ones I had at the dining hall last year were good, so I naturally assumed that these ones I was paying more for had to be better, and b) because it was sitting out by itself in the cooler, meaning I didn't have to also pay for the side dish that comes with the wraps at the deli station -- I hate those weird vegetable chips, and I'm not a big fan of the cold pasta doused in mayonnaise. However, I find now that the wraps at Norris most assuredly fail. Norris fails in many ways, I think -- the food is too expensive, the selection is too narrow, the crowds are too big, the taste and freshness aren't all that big a step up from what's available for less (and in unlimited portions) in the dining halls. That's not to say I want to go back to eating there all the time -- I would get bored with the food the same way I did last year. But I wish I could eat somewhere else altogether. And I also wish that somewhere else was a whole lot closer to my room so that I don't have to walk through the frosty air and end up with cold limbs and cold food.

Oh, by the way, I did manage to get that bit of food out of my throat.
1 p.m.

So it seems the whole debate over the TV reservation system was for naught. Apparently there's an old rule still applicable to the new NUTV situation, so Exec Board didn't even have to pass a new rule. I find the whole situation intensely amusing as I begin to put more distance between it and myself. However, this significantly changes how I should go about my paper on this conflict, I think. Well, at least I have loads of documentation of this crisis in dorm government.
10:34 p.m.

October 17, 2002

I'm rather nervous as tonight I must write my first ethnography, and how that goes may determine if I'm going to continue in my course of being a potential anthropology major. That's not to say I'll drop the class if I get a bad grade; this class is a prerequisite for other, more interesting classes, and besides, I'd rather drop the snoozefest that is Modern Japan if I drop anything. I probably will stick it out this quarter rather than give up on my classes, though, because I think the extra work will be worth it in the end. If I make it through this quarter, I'll have twenty-one credits, making me a junior. If I take at least four classes each of the next three quarters, I'll be a senior by the end of fall quarter junior year. Then, if I take five classes winter quarter that year or fall quarter the subsequent year, I would have enough credits to graduate two quarters early. And of course, if I took heavier course loads, I could even skip that one quarter of senior year.

Of course, I don't know that I'd actually want to do this. I've always thought that I'd stay the full four years in order to spread out my classes, take what I want and generally get a full college experience. But since I really don't know what I want to do with my life (and since I have a crazy amount of debt steadily piling up), it's nice to know this option is open to me.
1:46 p.m.

October 18, 2002

I'm so tired after staying up much later than I should have to complete my paper that I honestly don't think I can muster an entry today. Well, at least not yet.
3:28 p.m.

October 19, 2002

It's really cold in my room after I left the window open all through the night. I'm disinclined to get up, and after writing this I will very likely crawl back under my covers with a book.
1:11 p.m.

I'm becoming quite the events coordinator. So far I've suggested at least four social activities for PARC to arrange for the quarter. Pretty good, I think. Plus I spurred the setting of a time for the TV committee meeting. Not much, but hey, maybe it means that there are leadership qualities somewhere deep down inside after all.
6:26 p.m.

October 20, 2002

Murmur is fast becoming my favorite R.E.M. albums. I didn't even really like it when I first got it, but I find that the albums like that always become the ones I like best once I hear them a few more times (for example, Achtung Baby, Monster, and Zooropa). Now I still love the songs on Automatic for the People, but there's something about the work on this first album that seems more ... powerful I guess than the slicker sounds of later years. Not to say this stuff isn't at all catchy; I often have "Pilgrimmage" stuck in my head. ("Your love a two-headed cow.") My favorite song, though, is "Talk About the Passion," which, although I admittedly don't know quite what it's talking about, still touches me. I get the feeling I may have been here before, but oh well. I'm listening to the album for the second time in as many days (a lot for me), and I'm enjoying it.
3:12 p.m.

October 21, 2002

I found the lost entry of October 19 just now. You'll probably have read it before I even post this, but oh well, you can celebrate again.
5:03 p.m.

I'm in the middle of reading about the "spitball felon," a 13-year-old boy who was convicted of two felonies for throwing a spitball at another kid. True, it hit the other kid in the eye, leading to major surgery, but honestly, this case is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read. I mean, it's a spitball felon! Wow. Plus there's a transcript from a Fox News interview in the packet, so the level of ridiculosity is steadily mounting. It's more than excellent.
10:42 p.m.

October 22, 2002

I have to write a paper this evening. I thought I'd gotten over this spring quarter last year, but it seems that papers still intimidate me. Aside from them being a total pain, I mean. I really ought to have started this paper already tonight, as I have to lead discussion early tomorrow and so I want to get some sleep. But I just don't feel like doing it. I hate writing papers, and now I feel like I have nothing worthwhile to say. I know that's not true and probably just an excuse for stalling, but the idea of writing now is distasteful nonetheless.

On top of all of that I feel quite tired today. I'm afraid I've picked up another illness. It wouldn't be surprising, but it's definitely highly inconvenient right now. I have midterms in classes I've barely done any reading for next week, and I have several papers due very soon. But all I really want to do is take a nap. And maybe work on web sites. And shop for a new computer because this one sucks. But mostly I want to sleep.
8:35 p.m.

October 23, 2002

I am pretending to write a paper. In theory, if I have fooled the university so far into believing I can do this, I can carry on the deception indefinitely.
2:03 a.m.

Three paragraphs, 381 words. Needed by 3 p.m. tomorrow: 1500 words. Oh yeah, this isn't good.
2:25 a.m.

Four paragraphs, 457 words! All in one minute. What a pace I set!

(Unfortunately, this happened merely because I found I'd neglected to copy a paragraph from my original draft, and so I just added it in at the top.)
2:27 a.m.

Five paragraphs, 699 words. That's ... almost halfway done. The paper itself isn't all that great as far as style goes, but the content is decent.
2:51 a.m.

Six paragraphs, 932 words. I now have a conclusion; however, I lack a body. Now I'm rather concerned as I only have a maximum of 568 words left to work with, meaning I can only fit in one long or two short paragraphs to flesh out the middle. Of course, through revisions I might be able to cut down on extraneous words through eliminating awkward phrasing, but I still have a good deal left to say, I think, and not much room to say it.
3:25 a.m.

Seven paragraphs, 979 words. Taking a short break.
3:39 a.m.

Seven paragraphs, 1059 words. Inexplicably, finishing my paragraph led to a remarkably small word addition. Perhaps I edited too much.
4:31 a.m.

Eight paragraphs, 1199 words. Just 201 more to go. And I'll likely stop after this next paragraph no matter what. Maybe I'll skip anthropology tomorrow as I just will not feel up to walking to Annenberg. The lectures are rambling anyway. Yes, I'm aware of the irony.
4:41 a.m.

Nine paragraphs, 1387 words. Well, I'm done. I can't think of anything more to say on this topic. I've learned tonight that I can in fact procrastinate AND finish a paper -- it simply requires that I give up sleep. I've tried desperately tonight to find some posted lecture notes for my anthropology class so that I can skip lecture tomorrow to take a very long nap, but I've come up empty. I may still not make the trek to Annenberg, counting instead on picking up what I missed at the TAs' review session on Friday. As for now, I'm debating the merits of sleep versus rereading the story I'm supposed to be presenting to my Jewish literature class tomorrow.

My classes this quarter just are not as joyous as I hoped. Although I don't have all that many HOURS of class time despite taking five classes, I have incredible amounts of reading and writing that eat up every available minute -- or that at least should. I need to start crossing off papers as I finish them if only to give myself a feeling of accomplishment -- or rather, that I've almost reached the end. I've just about given up on anthropology, feeling finally that I just don't have the mindset for ethnography. I still have the notion that archaeology might be different, but as for now I just want to hold off on plunging myself into the field. I plan to find out if I could still have the option open to me as a grad student should I opt not to follow this path in my undergraduate career. Even then I might not pursue it. It's all too complicated for me.
5:27 a.m.

I am so very tired. I set my alarm for 9 a.m. in the hopes that I'd manage to wake up early enough to get to class early so that I could write my questions on the board. Well, I've accomplished the getting out of bed, but I'm not sure I'll be able to stand now. Okay, maybe that's overdramatic, but I am awfully tired, and it will be a struggle to get through my classes today. I may very well fall asleep in the last anthropology class before the midterm. Which makes me wonder why I'd bother going, of course ...
9:50 a.m.

My brain seems to misfire a lot when I've gotten less sleep than a typical nap. (Exaggeration? Only perhaps.) For example, today in anthropology, I tried for a couple of minutes to save my notes file -- but note that I didn't bring my laptop to class.
12:41 p.m.

October 24, 2002

The world continues to be messed up today as I find that I am no longer the owner of the electronic mailing list I'm in charge of. How does stuff like this happen!?
8:20 p.m.

October 25, 2002

The senseless tragedies remind us always of the fragility of life. Does it make what was crucial yesterday forever fundamentally unimportant when confronted with the crazy possibilities for what happens today? If the grand sweep can be ended so abruptly, what were we so concerned about? How do we make life so important when everything seems shaped by death? Who knows.

Senator or not, the world would have been a better place with Paul Wellstone in it than beyond it.
2:54 p.m.

October 26, 2002

We are again owners of the listserv (yay!), but for some reason I can't access the damn web site server again, meaning no web site updates until future notice (boo!).
7:36 p.m.

October 27, 2002

I have an ENORMOUS burn on my arm with an HUGE blister on it. It is truly disgusting.
3:53 a.m.

October 28, 2002

I really should have studied my notes for this midterm a whole lot earlier. Why do I torture myself like this?
3:53 a.m.

October 29, 2002

Decided it was pointless to sit through Modern Japan with all the stuff I have to do so came back and am napping.
11 a.m.

October 30, 2002

Starting a paper at 1:49 -- good idea?
1:49 a.m.

In some ways I think a memorial service is more meant to give closure to the living than honor to the dead. While in the Catholic tradition much emphasis is placed on praying for the souls of the dead, it seems to me that heaping honors upon the head of someone who may not even have a head left at that point is rather pointless. (Language is full of so many metaphors.) If you didn't say it in life, it's hard to say the person will hear you six feet under. But that's not to say a funeral doesn't have its purpose. Saying what you didn't say may not accomplish that goal, but it will achieve its purpose of relieving one's conscience. Thus one can say goodbye to the dead with fewer regrets.

I know, it's a morbid topic and likely an overly simplistic explanation, but sometimes I just need to articulate.
5:12 a.m.

Wow I'm crazy. I was up until, oh, 7:20 a.m. writing a paper that only took me two hours and twenty minutes altogether to write (that's including a breaks to read the Onion). That's right, I didn't write a thing until about 5 a.m. True, I spent most of the day and evening finishing the book I needed to write on (dumb idea in itself), but I finished it at 1:49 a.m. After that, it took me quite a while to begin outlining, let alone writing. I just did not want to write at all. Why am I so averse to it?

As a result of this, I didn't pay attention when I set my alarm and thus set it for 9:20 p.m. instead of 9:20 a.m. Therefore I didn't wake up until halfway through my first (and discussion-based) class, at which point I decided to not even bother with my morning classes. I woke up around 1:50 p.m., and now I must take my paper to the English Department before my 3 p.m. class (that I'm totally unprepared for). The joy of life.
2:22 p.m.

October 31, 2002


Happy Halloween.

So not starting papers until the crack of dawn seems to be becoming a habit -- a very bad habit. I've barely settled on a topic at this point, let alone started to write. Hmm, I don't even have Word open anymore. I should remedy that.
4:25 a.m.

Okay, so now Word's open, after a brief detour into accidentally opening Microsoft Works. One step closer to writing something substantive.

It's not like I don't write. For goodness' sake, I write here just about every day. And when I'm inspired to do so I write poems and stories (I honestly plan on taking a poetry-writing course next quarter). I just don't seem to be fond of analytical thinking. This fact has led me to believe that it is highly unlikely I will go to grad school, where it seems a great deal of thinking is required. It has made me turn with fondness back to journalism, like I'm seeing an old friend for the first time in years. I am glad I didn't cave in to the pressure to drop the major.

However, I have this problem of needing to write. Instead I've been a) annoying Scott and b) doing web stuff. The annoying Scott thing apparently got old for Scott, as he disappeared after a few hours of being poked in the side and told he needed to shave and wear oxford shirts all the time. The poor kid's nerves will likely be frazzled to no end before this week is out. As for the second thing, I've been working a lot on stuff for PARC's site as well as just checking out interesting sites plus people's blogs. I browsed a bit through Malavika's shared blog (I do enjoy the name), and now I want a communal blog as well. I've thought about setting up my Diary as a blog site (and I've even started modeling it on said sites since I started to use my notepad to make entries in order to account for the sudden shifts in topic), but I just don't like the idea of handing over my work to someone (or thing) else to put together.

Oh I'm so tired. I should write so I can at least get a couple of hours of sleep tonight.
4:38 a.m.

© 2002 Colleen Fischer | Last updated November 6, 2002