The Rights of Plants

You hear a lot about the rights of animals these days. Groups ranging from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), which has much celebrity support, to the Animal Liberation Force, an animal-rights terrorist group, have sprouted up everywhere. The members of the groups are the king of people who do not eat meat and oppose animal testing in any way, shape, or form. Hearing these groups' protests have given me some troubling thoughts, most prominently, this: What about plants?

Seriously, I think the issue of cruelty to plant life has been neglected far too long by human life. Don't plants, as fellow inhabitants of our planet, deserve rights, too?

I believe the main reason this issue has been overlooked is because plants do not have those big, sad, puppy-dog eyes. When humans see an animal with big, sad, puppy-dog eyes, they feel an overwhelming wave of pity for so stupid and defenseless a creature. They feel an irresistible compulsion to pick it up and cuddle it and coo, "Oh, what a sweet widdle thing! Aren't you just da sweetest widdle thing on earth! How could anyone ever hurt such a sweet widdle thing?" And so enchanted are they that they do not even care when that "sweet widdle thing" bites or scratches them or piddles on their carpet.

On the other hand, if it had been a beautiful and absolutely harmless flower rather than a cute animal, a human would have no qualms about murdering it on the spot. She would say, "I think that will make a lovely centerpiece for my table!" and proceed to behead the poor plant. Would that person have even thought about doing such a thing to a puppy? Not a chance.

Besides the atrocities committed for the purpose of decoration, there is also the issue of eating. Why should humans feel that they are entitled to eat dead plants while shuddering at the thought of eating dead animals? It is not fair to the plants! They ought to have a chance at a full life, too.

Plants play a valuable role in our ecosystem. Without plants, our atmosphere would become saturated with carbon dioxide, causing humanity's rapid extinction. Why, then, do we continue to kill plants without a second thought about the damage we may be causing to our planet's capability to harbor life?

I think that a radical group in support of plants is long overdue. It is time that we take up our pipe bombs and semi-automatic weapons and champion the rights of plants. We are crusaders who will not stop until our demands are met! Move out, soldiers! Long live plants!

Copyright © 2002 Colleen Fischer | Last updated October 7, 2002